how did i end up in manipal part 2

salam. so a swift update after last night's post sebab kalau biar lama2 nanti tak terupdate pulak. :) for those of you who read the 1st part, so probably you all are aware that i left it right after i went back home for iftar on monday 7th of sept. it was a pretty long day, (of course its a long day, pusing2 kl bagai in the end no progress in visa, checkup, borang2 mara & all plus someone managed to cry like a little boy :( ). and so i went home (usu's home) after maghrib prayer that day. back at usu's home that time, we have usu's family (of course since its her home :p) and both nek usu & nek anjang (not sure what you all call yours, but these are my grandmothers sibling - just for info) since both of them are going to celebrate raya along with usu at pilah later.

tuesday

i woke up this day with a main aim, to get my visa done, probably get a medical checkup done and post all those mara docs back to my parents at sibu since its the only way to get it filled up. mara gave us (me and yana) till friday to get those documents settled and all. so that morning, usu sent me to jalan duta for visa purposes. there i met yana and after that follow her paksu & ibu afterwards. so nothing much or no peculiar events at indian embassy. and then i dont really recall much on what happened on this day, (probably because it is stressful rather than emotional?) so nothing much to tell i guess. just posting my documents and stuffs at poslaju, hoping that it will be sent immediately (i sent it really2 early like 8am something?). because theoretically the earliest it would reach my parents is the next day, and then blablablabla with getting signatures, penjamin, setem hasil and so on would take a day to do) the next thing i know that day is yes, there goes an empty seat in an airasia flight back to kuching (because that time kuching route is the cheapest option rather than a direct flight to sibu). sobs. and i got a call from mak, they will be here (in kl) soon, most likely on thursday or friday. so there you have it. not going to sibu, leaving without knowing that i'll be leaving my siblings for india. T_T that time swine flu is still a hot issue in malaysia, so aisya is not following my parents along to kl for her own good also, quite sad about that. because she's my youngest and only sister, and yes, i'm fully aware that i was not quite there for her most of the time. just few months only during holidays, she's just about 3 months old by that time. T_T more tears on this. huhu. balik2 tengok adik dh tau jalan. u missed all the milestones of the important girl in your life.

aisya 3 months old

aisya 1st step (i was already in manipal at this time, but still, sobs T_T)

wednesday and so on

sorry i cant quite recall the exact timeline for these upcoming events, but i'll try to be specific and i'll make sure it's in order. :p no flashbacks or whatsoever. so another day, wednesday, i was told that i can collect my visa later about 4pm on that day. ok. do you think i will have a day rest on that day? no you are wrong! FYI, throughout the whole week, each and every single day i went to kl not for fun, but always for a purpose. orang cakap kalau nak achieve something you need to sacrifice something in return. ok ada flashback sikit, sorry because didn't thought of it during the 1st post.

remember all those crying and all at bank negara station & kl sentral? seriously, what i had in my mind is the thought of just getting back to sibu, and not going to india. yes, i thought about that. dalam hati memang x nak langsung fly dah. biarlah kalau postpone pun postpone la till february. ya Allah entah apa yang aku fikir time tu. tapi bila dh emotional, that will seriously impair your rational ability to judge things. but well, Allah x suka hambanya give up, before the real battle started. memang dalam hati time tu nak je pergi kat mara, tolak offer and probably end up in regret for doing that. -.- sampaikan terfikir nak mintak tukar ke CUCMS or IMU for feb intake. sampai macam tu sekali. huhu.

so back to the story, while waiting for 4pm till i get my visa, usu pun kebetulan off that day (both usu jiji & usu yah kerja as polis) so usu took me for medical checkup. kalau dh klinik2 biasa x dpt cepat, apa lagi, pusat perubatan la jawabnya. another for ringgits is forked out for me. -.- menghabiskan duit mak bapak la keje aku. huhu. i got my medical checkup at pusat perubatan damai, area2 keramat if i'm not mistaken and spend about rm200 on that. huhu. so as usual, as any medical checkup does, blood withdrawn, urine sample blablabla la. whats interesting here it the nurse which is responsible for my checkup that time. she was an indian (which at 1st i thought malaysian indian), real indian i mean. from india! how do i know that? so time draw blood, she asked, for what purpose buat checkup ni? so i responded, nak masuk university. then she asked some more, which university, dekat mana, course apa? so aku jawab je la, manipal university, ambik medic. there i saw her face changed, semacam seronok/syok sendiri, and then she was like, manipal university? india ke? karnataka? i was like ok.....so that is basically my first encounter with the people who we knew now is "tempe". right back at our backyard, malaysia i met with a tempe. -.- excited gila nurse tu time tu, tanya this and that but that time, what i know about india is just manipal university. :p i didnt even know that karnataka is a state till i get here.

so that evening, i took my visa at dataran merdeka area (not sure where it is since i already forgot it) and basically thats the end of my day. mak & ayah had their flight confirmed for kl on this coming thursday. the next day, my parents arrive at kl, along with all my stuffs packed up already for fly. huhu. trust me, those weeks are when most of my tears are spent. tgok beg pakaian yg dh siap berkemas, rasa nk nangis. call mak nk update/discuss pasal fly, rasa nak nangis. memang moral sangat2 down by that time. so after picking up my parents at kl sentral, we went straight for low yat, since my father wanted to settle on easy matters 1st (in this case looking for a laptop). so there we go, to lowyat and i bought this laptop which im using right now, about rm2300. what hurts me the most is that, i got to know that my parents had to borrow cash so that i could get a laptop. sobsssss. T_T so recall back, ringgits spent on me for tickets for btn, tickets for MMMC & mara (4 flights in total), then my medical checkup, and now laptop. sobsssss. T_T thats why you must, must appreciate what your parents has done for you. itu baru dari segi duit. just imagine how my parents were when they knew i need to leave malaysia ASAP. spend some more money for their own tickets to get to kl, so in total with my tickets, they already spend a lot of money for 8 flight tickets (another 4 is my parent's to & fro ticket). to make things worse, dah nak raya kot. dah nak raya and you're spending money like tap water, borrowing some more from people. dalam hati aku, ya Allah, kalau ini lah yg Engkau tetapkan untuk aku, biarlah ia berbaloi & worth it.

i could just imagine how hectic it was for my parents back at home bila dh dapat semua documents mara that i posted earlier. huhu. and they had just 1 day to do that. carik penjamin, pegi mahkamah & all, sain sana sain sini. gosh i was a trouble for them. tapi itulah kasih ibu bapa. sobsss. they will do anything for the sake of their children. huhu. T____T

and so after we got the laptop, and its almost iftar already that day, so we decided to buka puasa at masjid jamek before getting home. that time, masa ambil wudhu, ya Allah, sungguh aku rasa sangat2 bersalah sebab menyusahkan mak & ayah. if only i passed my a-level, if only i didn't screwed up that time, sure aku x menyusahkan mak ayah aku sampai macam ni sekali. at least kalau pass, they all would be more prepared that i will leave. not in this kind of way. memang sungguh2 aku menangis dalam solat that maghrib, sebab memang rasa berat sangat dugaan time tu. tgok parents datang all the way after flight, bukan terus rehat kat rumah. terus pergi jalan sana sini settlekan apa yang boleh untuk aku fly. T_T besar pengorbanan mereka. i can just feel that i took hak adik2, for all the money my parents spent on me, which probably should go for their raya expenditures and all. even to my surprise, pak ni, guru agama ayah aku, gave rm300 to my father, to help us. for a guru agama, which only gets money from teaching and mengubat orang, i got to thank him for that. i owe that to him. my family is not that wealthy either, sekadar average, but to spend huge amount of money in a short space of time, is a big big burden for us.

memang time jemaah maghrib dekat jamek aku sengaja sembahyang jauh sikit from my father, because i didn't want him to see me crying & all. probably that is the same case for both of them. huhu.

i think i need to stop writing for now. after this is just some silly mara issues, karenah birokrasi la kut, so malas nak update on that, i'll just skip right away to last few days before fly instead. which i spent invaluably with my parents. that's it for now. will update soon. sobsssss. T_T

how did i end up in manipal

so here i go. before i go any further into the topic, just some updates of past 2 weeks or so. i shaved of my long hair and traded it with short, short almost bald hair a.k.a botak num 1. kinda shabby with managing long hair so decided to cut it off for good. and then duit mara sudah masuk, and some people told that is the allowance for books, which means....duit bulanan is still yet to come! (i'm already thinking of stuffs too buy back at malaysia during holidays. @_@). other than that, i think its always been the same stuff, classes, blablablabla and so on.

let's get on with the topic shall we? i think i'm going to write in english for this post, since it would be much easier for me to narrate this whole stuff. some malays or melanaus would come up here and there afterwards, just to preserve the originality or feeeel or the story. mind you, this probably end up as a long long long post but i think its worth sharing. its ok if you can't bear the length, just feels like sharing so that someone else know what i've been through before. so that this hopefully would not happen to any of you who are reading this post now.

college days

my friends here in MMMC probably thought i was from KTT before getting here. *teettttttt. you are wrong. my previous college was kolej shahputra @ KSP, kuantan. don't ask me how i got there, that's mara business for placing me there. and i learnt a lot of things about life and stuffs there. that would probably go down as another separate post. so i was doing my a-level at KSP, for 2 years and bound for UK. i went for several interviews before a-level results came out, 2 of them in fact, which is university of sheffield & university of manchester. i got a conditional offer from university of manchester which i need to get AAB for my a-level in order to continue my studies over there. dipendekkan cerita, i was terrible at chemistry, so i struggled pretty much on catching up with chemistry syllabus during the exam preparation. and when the result came out, which was BBB, yes, you guessed it, i was devastated. -.- to see B for my chemistry was a relief, because i was hoping for at least B for chemistry and the rest for biology & maths would be a straightforward A's. to my surprise, it turns out to be different. BBB it is. huhu. so there goes my hopes of getting to manchester university at the mancunian land of the united kingdom. during that time, i was left with no options and just hoping that mara would have something to do with me. T_T

btn week

so this is when all the hardships of getting to india began. still at sibu at that moment, and i got a phone call from akak mara on 15th of august 2009 telling me that i need to attend a BTN course at negeri 9. the course will commence on 17th of august till 21th of that month. mind you, i live in sibu, sarawak, which probably some of you especially guys at mara that might forget that i need to cross the laut china selatan in order to get to negeri 9? so me & my mother scrambled ourselves looking for the cheapest and earliest flight (flight ok, not bus tickets) from sibu to kl to attend that btn course. and just to rub our noses further into the dirt, mara told that all expenses are not funded by them. -.- luckily mas had offers for kuching-kl flight & kl-kuching flight just at the right time when i needed it the most. still my parents had to fork out rm250++ for tickets and all. thanks to pak cik sidek for helping us with online ticket payment. i owe you that. so off i went for btn a day before 17th august and i stayed a night a my usu's house at kl. the next day i took the earliest bus to seremban & went to the btn camp along with aman and mil.alhamdulillah everything went well that time and the btn course itself was not bad either. to be honest, i enjoyed it pretty much and made new friends there.

my btn group - group 4

makan time!

repelling - very very cool indeed

inside the hall

so it was pretty much a very very awesome week for me after all despite all the troubles here and there. not the toughest challenge i've faced but still the upcoming weeks are going to be the toughest i've ever went through. after btn, i went back to sibu and by that time some rumours have spread among us that we will be sent to india as mara are kind enough to give us another chance. alhamdulillah. cuma terlintas dalam hati, kalau betul la aku fly, how would i face it? aku x ready lagi. T_T

MMMC & mara week

so this is where things go absolutely tough and wrong for me. again, the same story, received a phone call out of the blue on 1st or 2nd or august(not pretty sure about that), this time from miss sheila mohan of MMMC melaka campus though. telling that i need to attend an interview for MMMC intake at melaka on friday, 4th of september. remember i have just got back from btn course few days before, and now i had to attend an interview, at melaka this time.

'apa ingat sibu ngan melaka tu boleh drive kereta 2 jam setengah pastu sampai nak attend interview?'

i was very2 mad at that time considering i've just forked out my parents wallet just to attend a btn course while their son still hanging nowhere to go for medical degree. but still, i got no choice considering that mara has already arranged the interview with MMMC on my behalf. by that time my other KSP friends, KMS & KTT friends had taken the interview and already received the offer from MMMC. so i went to kl (again, this time i got no luck with flight tickets which cost almost rm300 i guess) a day before the interview (thursday). i got to melaka thanks to yana's ibu help and attended the interview. so me and yana went for the interview and well, as the guys told, you already had your offer letter even before you are interviewed. haha.

the next day, saturday me and mil again went to melaka from seremban for the orientation day at MMMC melaka campus. there i got my first glimpse of KMS guys on that day. dalam hati cakap 'mak ai muka sume bijak2 seh'. so i was told that they will be leaving malaysia for manipal on 9th of september. so this unevitable thought went through my mind, if they're leaving on 9th, when would i do? considering i still havent got any papers or agreement from mara on scholarship and all, let alone the visa stuff.

from left - awe, redza, matwan, jawo, piq. most right of the pic in maroon is me & mil is next to me. :)

so there you have it. i went for the interview, still no news from mara about what to do, when is the date for leaving malaysia. all i'm looking forward after that orientation day (5th sept - saturday) is get to kl, stay at usu's house and get back to sibu on the next tuesday (8th sept). and the next day which is sunday, yana told me that we will be joining those guys(KMS, KTT guys) for mara pre-departure briefing at mara hq on monday. i still have few days before going back to sibu, so why not? i went for the briefing on the monday. so this day marks the beginninng of the hardest week i've ever faced in my life.

hardest week ever

as i remember, i get myself ready pretty early that day, since the briefing is going to start at 9. went to mara's hq by lrt as early as 7. that day selangor was having public holiday for nuzul quran (17 ramadhan) but kl is excluded from the holiday. so i arrived at mara hq, get to meet cuki, aman, ella & tasha also there to settle mara issues of their own. so blablabla, briefing this and that, me and yana were called up by puan (cant recall her name) and given all this silly loads of forms to fill out. biasalah berurusan dengan these matters, banyak hitam & putih. and to my surprise, i was told that the flight date for me & yana is going to be on 14th of september. that was like 3-4 days left before hari raya! T_T i am starting to worry by that time, thinking would i make it home before the fly date? huhuhu. so the briefing day ends about 11am something. and there i was, left with bundles of documents to fill up, mintak cop itu, cop ini, beli setem itu setem ini, carik penjamin and so on. i was alone at kl with my parents back at sibu. in the afternoon that day, me and yana with the help of her pak su and ibu went for visa, since they told that that is the easiest thing to be done. and so i did but in the end it was too late because indian embassy is closed early (for what reason i do not know).

so left frustrated with visa issues, we went for checkup instead. thanks a lot for yana's paksu and ibu for willing to help me on medical checkup, even though in the end it turns out fruitless since most clinics will need 4-5 days to get the results done. after pusing2 all around kl for medical checkup which never happened, i asked yana's paksu to drop me at bank negara's komuter station across the mara hq there. it was 4pm that time, and i decided to call my mother to tell what's up with this 'fly' issue. after some thought by mak, she told that,

'asri, mai perlu lah kawan mulik tugun sibu lau sung. document2 smuah pitang ngah mak lau sung, kamik settlekan and insyaallah mak & apak akan labik malui kawan tang inan'

simply translated from melanau to bm, my mak told that x payahlah balik besok (since my flight to sibu supposed to be on tuesday@tomorrow) kalau dah macam tu, document2 semua poskan kat mak, mak & ayah akan settlekan & insyaallah mak & ayah akan datang sekali. mind you, during this conversation i was lining up to buy komuter ticket to kl sentral (even selangor cuti pun, kalau dh pukul 4, peak hour memang akan ramai org) and memang x dapat tahan langsung masa tu, i ended up crying after my mak finished her sentence above. just imagine, the morning i left for sibu-kl flight on 3rd sept, my brothers and my sister is still asleep. i didn't even manage to salam or kiss them because i was very sure at that time i would make it home before leaving for india. knowing this really really broke my heart after my mak told me that no need for me to get home on the next day. yes, i cried amongst the many people at that time. memang xde rasa malu2 lagi dh, sebab memang dh sangat2 sedih to know that fact. yes, i know mak's decision was absolutely right, since there's not much time for me to settle this and that before leaving but deep inside me, i need to get back home just before i leave to say goodbye to everyone.

aisya & ehsan

my siblings - taken during last raya

so there you have it. me crying on how i can't get back home just before i leave and yes, it hurts a lot (sorry agak emo tapi thats exactly what i feel that time). so i sobbed all the way till kl sentral (no, no that macho kind of cry, i'm crying like a little boy :'( ) and upon reaching kl sentral, i went straight to the surau because i still haven't prayed for asar yet. there, i cried as i might throughout the solat, and then read yasin few times to calm this broken heart. lagipun time tu bulan puasa, alhamdulillah Allah bagi ketenangan lepas solat sunat, yasin. i stayed at the surau for a little while till iftar, and had my iftar at kl sentral food court. here i met a sis, probably a bit older than me sitting in front of me for iftar too. so she asked me, 'aik, keje jugak ke cuti2 camni?'. i was like, what should i answer? dengan mata bengkak sebab nangis mcm nak gila tadi, i answered,"a'ah, keje kat mara". hahahaha, i was laughing at myself at that time. :p keje kat mara? LOLZZZ. at least that made felt a bit better after non-stop continuous crying earlier. hehe. so after a long day inside the heart of kl, beginning with pre departure briefing at mara hq, then jalan duta for indian embassy for visa (yang dh tutup by 2 kalau x silap) and then all over kl for clinic which offers fast medical checkups (nowhere to be found though) and a funny incident at kl sentral food court during iftar.

i think i need to stop for a while in writing this tragic (if that's it is for you guys, but definitely tragic for me) tale of myself. still some more to go on how i faced those challenges which made me think over and over again, Allah already wrote this in my taqdir and always, there's hikmah in each and everything that Allah had set for us. just like what was told by Allah inside Quran,

terjemahan given below

some text missing : dan rahmatilah kami, Engkaulah penolong kami, maka tolonglah kami terhadap kaum yang kafir.

i believe in Allah, whatever he decides for me, that's the best he want for me. insyaallah akan saya sambung lagi post ini soon. for those who made it till now, thanks a lot for you concern and time reading this post. i really really appreciate that and insyaallah the update would come soon rather than later. :) still some more to go but were almost there to the end.

assalamualaikum.

malas update blog

sigh.

lecturers

ok..1st of all i know i shouldn't be doing this at 230am when i should be sleeping & getting enuf rest for tomorrow's class but then i already dozed myself all the way after maghrib till 1130. so that qualifies as sleep as well, just shifted a bit earlier than it should be. actually dah lama nak cakap pasal isu ni, tapi x tercakap2 jugak and at last today i think it has gone too far.

this "funny" lecturer phenomenon has gone from bad to worse(from my opinion la) since 1st yr up to 2nd block of 2nd year. so sekarang almost every lecturer yg ada kat MMMC dh masuk n taught batch 25. and what i do notice is when the lecturer/cikgu tu best semacam, so he/she will be getting nice reception from kami kanak2 batch 25 yang aktif@semangat ini. and when the lecturer itu semacam awkward/baru 1st time mengajar/bkn org lama, somehow i noticed that these lecturer akan kena "buli" by we students. -_____-

so this where things get worse. bila cikgu kat depan yang sedia maklum baru lagi dalam dunia ber'lecture (ok i know thats not a legit word :p) and students in the class buat2 x tau or make fun of them (almaklumlah duduk india, i got to admit yang accents cikgu-cikgi di sini mmg inevitably funny), this seems kinda insult to the teacher yg tengah mengajar kat depan. obviously cikgu kat depan tu mengajar, mesti dia dh penat2 prepare slide, baca balik sikit2 buku dan carik some info/clinical cases so that we will understand easier (dont lie, none of us bother reading what teacher akan ajar besok let alone reading what they all taught before). so bila kami kanak2 medic yang baik2 belaka buat hal time cikgu mengajar, maybe kita tengok cikgu tu macam x perasan/senyum2 je/or just tegur macam x tegur, tapi are we totally sure yg cikgu tu suka/senang hati tengok kita buat x layan time dia ajar kat depan?

and bila dh cikgu x senang hati, geram, marah dengan students, especially in context of uni life where we have 150+ students in a lecture hall, dia x kan cakap,

budak2 this & that ni memang bisng betul la dalam kelas, dh la kacau org lain blablabla n so on.

cikgu akan refer budak2 nakal ni as budak2 batch sekian2. so secara x langsung, sbb ada some 'naughty' kids in the class, all students dh kena cop as nakal. dan kita tau cikgu itu perlulah dihormati dan berkat dari cikgu itu penting. x kisahlah cikgu tu indian pun tapi still adab berguru itu penting. so bila cikgu dh x suka dengan perangai kita, adakah kita rasa ilmu yg kita belajar itu berkat? mmg sometimes cikgu2 yg baru, or cam takut2 sikit nk mengajar buat kita rasa macam - "baik x payah ajar" tapi still kita kena hormat they all.

kalau pun memang kureng habis dengan cara cikgu tu mengajar, jangan la kacau cikgu tu mengajar by any means (buat bising, laughing at their accents n so on). org lain ramai lagi yg try nk get something if not everything from what that cikgu teach in front. paling jahat pun p tido je lah. x kacau org, n kalau kantoi salah sendiri la sbb x pandai cover (hahahaha). cikgu pun x sakit hati tengok kita, hubungan kita sbg pelajar & cikgu terjaga, insyaallah berkat.

sekali sekala gelak dalam kelas x salah, kalau mmg obvious cikgu tu pun gelak or perasan yg dia salah sebut something for instance, tapi kalau everytime dia sebut something pun kita nak gelak, itu dah annoying for the teacher. so hormat diorg, at least kalau x suka pun jangan la gedik2 konon nak express ketidaksukaan kita tu tadi. sbb still muka2 tu jugak yang buat soalan kita nanti, muka2 tu jugak la yang akan semak kertas2 kita, muka2 tu jugak la yang kita akan salahkan sbb ajar nak x nak la, padahal sbb dia ajar nak x nak tu because attitude kita yang kurang 'baik' terhadap diorg. so jagalah adab berguru sbb berkat ilmu dari cikgu2 kita tu penting. kalau dah bengang sangat dengan kelas tu tido je lah.

p/s : saya cuma tido time kelas forensic. :p

block 1 exam : aftermath

ok..where should i start. result kali ini dpt diagak tapi still quite suprising n alhamdulillah segala syukur saya hadapkan kepada Allah. yap, saya akui kali ini saya dah memulakan 2nd on a sour note (in terms of results), but like people always say, there's always another chance. cuma kadang2 kita ni selalu take things for granted.

"alah, baru 1st block. lepak la. ade 3 block lagi"

"chill la bero, block ni kite pulun abis2"

"xde rezeki kot"

so, time block 1 exam yang lepas saya agak kurang bernasib baik sbb time study break tu saya kena demam panas. and to make things worse, ahad before exam kena diarrhea pulak. T_T not a good start for an exam. so i end up being dead malam tu n berperang dengan diri sendiri menahan pening demam untuk belajar malam before patho paper. so pagi exam patho ditempuhi dengan mata panda/racoon/apa2 haiwan yg berkenaan dan jugak demam & perut yg memulas2. memang dalam hati ingat abislah aku paper ni. in the end i survived the whole day n seperti yang dijangka, saya pengsan lagi malam tu. the next day still demam xde gaya macam nak surut, so terpaksa jugak gagahkan diri nk baca notes microbe sbb its better untuk baca walaupun tau x abis n x larat rather than putus harapan/pasrah. same case jugak for the microbe exam, mata panda dan demam but this time alhamdulillah diarrhea dh elok.

the last paper pharmacology, alhamdulillah demam dh elok sikit, so dapat utilise full day untuk study pharmac. i admit i'm weak in remembering stuffs, tambah2 lagi nama2 ubat yg nama2 diorg x ubah macam nama2 saudara encik DIMITAR IVANOV BERBATOV belako. nak spell nama ubat dh cukup susah, apa lagi nk mix n match them with their functions. but to my suprise, i did fairly well for pharmac (walaupun x lulus jugak) considering ilmu yg ada dalam kepala time tu mungkin layak untuk dapat 30 marks jek. T_T

and for forensics, actually dh post pasal that paper before, so i'll leave it this time. the only subjek yg lulus. there's a bright light amidst of darkness i've gone through untuk 3 previous subjects.

so looking through results, saya rasa bersyukur even x pass 3 subs, sbb dhla sakit the whole exam, memang saya expect this time i would fail miserably but alhamdulillah, i didn't. so this should be a wake up call for me just like how it was back during form 3. :D insyaallah, next time, with better effort, n better health (aminnn ya Allah) i should get up n get better results than this.

kepada kawan2 yg lain, yg star2 tu congrats, n kpd yg x berapa bernasib baik (jgn ckp xde rezeki, itu macam menyalahkan Allah jek x kasi kita lulus padahal apalah yg kita tahu tentang perancangan Allah utk kita :) ) lets get back on track n succeed!

wassalam.

'mencari' Allah?

kadang2 kita sebagai manusia lupa akan tanggungjawab kita iaitu sebagai hamba yang patut taat dan patuh pada perintah Allah. dan ada masa2 tertentu yang biasanya barulah kita baru ingat nak cari Allah. niat di sini bukanlah hendak menegur sesiapa, tetapi sekadar peringatan untuk diri sendiri dan perkongsian pada rakan2. :)

selalu kita diingatkan kalau berada dalam kesusahan, orang akan cakap :

banyak2 la bersabar, bawak mengucap, selawat banyak2 etc..

memang benar, tidak salah untuk kita cakap macam tu kepada orang yang ditimpa kesusahan atau musibah, tetapi kita ini selalu lupa, kerana atas dasar kelemahan kita sendiri yang pada masa senang jugak kita kena ingat pada Allah. ingat pada Allah kerana Allah itu sentiasa ada bersama kita. Allah itu bukan hanya ada time2 kita susah or memerlukan Dia. actually kita yang memerlukan Allah, tetapi kita ini hamba yang naif, kita lupa yang kita ini milik Allah.

kita selalu 'menyimpan' Allah pada masa2 yang tertentu sahaja. bila nak exam, time2 sakit, time2 ditimpa musibah, dan macam2 lagi time2 kita ini susah. tapi bila kita dah senang lenang, nikmat bertimbun Allah bagi as reward kepada kita menghadapi ujian2 Allah tadi, kita cepat lalai. nauzubillah moga saya dijauhkan dari pekara sedemikian.

saya ambil contoh kisah nabi Ibrahim a.s semasa nabi mencari siapakah dia tuhan yang memerintah sekelian alam ini. dilihatnya pada langit, matahari yang terik bersinar, disangkanya tuhan tetapi bila malam menjelma, matahari@tuhan tadi hilang ditelan malam. bulan yang bersinar di tengah malam pun hilang selepas subuh, maka tidaklah ia bercirikan tuhan kerana sekejap ada, sekejap tak ada (macam chipsmore). bintang2 pulak bertebaran di langit malam, tapi jugak hilang lepas subuh. maka akhirnya Allah memberi petunjuk kepada nabi Ibrahim, bahawa Dialah tuhan yang memerintah seluruh takluk langit dan bumi.

dari situ kita dapat apply sedikit dan sebanyak dalam kehidupan kita seharian, yang Allah itu sebenarnya sentiasa ada bersama kita. bila2 masa, baik susah atau senang. apabila kita berada dalam keadaan senang, janganlah kita lupa untuk mensyukuri nikmat Allah itu. takkan nak ucap subhanallah pun kedekut kot. dan apabila kita ditimpa sebarang kesusahan, kembalilah kepada Allah, kerana Dialah sebaik2 tempat untuk kita mengadu, kerana Allah lah jua tempat kita akan kembali satu hari nanti. berdoa pada Allah, moga ditetapkan iman, walau time kita tengah naik bas sekalipun. tidak semestinya kita perlu duduk atas sejadah baru nak berdoa (tetapi itu adalah yang sebaiknya dan lebih afdal - refer adab berdoa). niatkan, or detikkan saja dalam hati,

'ya Allah, aku memohon sekian sekian kepadamu'

itupun dikira sebagai doa, kerana pada hakikatnya, Allah itu maha mendengar. segala isi hati kita Allah memang dah tau. maka percaya dan yakin lah Allah itu maha mendengar, berharaplah dengan penuh tawajjuh kepada Allah dan insyaAllah akan termakbul doa itu. :)

sedikit perkongsian dari saya yang daif dan papa kedana dalam ilmu2 ini. :)