a snippet of my 1st clinical postings

assalamualaikum..

writing this post just to tell you readers on my first clinical postings which has ended on last monday (paediatrics postings). it has been a month or so of experiences, lessons, and memories as well.

the first part of my postings began at Udupi. to be exact, at Dr. T.M.A Pai Hospital Udupi. this hospital is the place or should I say an insight to what lies ahead of me in order to become a doctor. first things first, paediatrics is a branch of medicine *for those of you who didn't understand the jargons used by a medic student* which involves the care of basically, childrens. :) right from the 1st day of delivery, when they all first see the world, until they are known as adults. I spent most of my postings here, for about 3 weeks before continuing the 2nd part at Karkala which i will talk about later.

of course the transition from theory based, class-oriented learning to a more practical, hands-on style of learning is quite tough. to be honest, I am intimidated about this approach of learning at first. you have all those necessary knowledge which you have built for the last 2 years, but to apply this knowledge, is a completely different thing. not to mention that you have to rely on yourself for most of the time. of course as expected, the first week of my postings didn't really go well. my first attempt on history taking is horrendous, or horrible if it were to be described. all the information, the complaints, the history got really messed up and scattered all over the paper. -.- and may I remind you this is india I'm talking about, so the initial weeks are very tough especially due to the language barrier. yes, there are some patients or parents that can speak english if not fluently, but they can understand english but mostly you have to speak in the local language (locals speak Kannada) in order to extract information, history and details in order to complete a case or compile a history.

talking to the patients is also quite scary. scary by means that you really don't know what to say, what to ask, or what to do with them. of course I have experienced some voluntary work at hospital back during the a-level days but then it is nothing compared to clinical postings. the hands on experience of getting to talk to that patients, trying to extract infos and to come to a differential diagnosis for each complaints can be intimidating at times. luckily I have wonderful friends in my group that share the same experience along with me.

with dr madhava

yes i know this group is kinda biased. haha. all malays (ok i admit i am melanau :p) except for vairam. why? because all of the guy's names begins with 'mohamad' and mostly 'nur' for girls. so there you go, a tailor made group for a fun postings here in manipal. hehe. patients have taught us a lot, in the sense of being friendly, and at the same time being professional as a doctor to be. and the doctors here are very awesome as well. kind but strict at the same time. we've got ourselves into trouble a few times already, and that is never an exciting thing to go through but sometimes a slap in the face is what we all need as well. (e.g : dr. kunal, dr. asha) 

speaking of scolding from the doctors, I was the victim of a (insert a description) doctor during my first day at O&G postings. i was sitting at the bench at the hospital's corridor at that time, waiting for our turn to enter the ultrasound scan room because the girls went in first, so we waited outside. and to avoid awkwardness or basically it is everything that everyone do when they are at a public place, you take your phone out. and out of nowhere this old man (around 50s) tapped my shoulder and suddenly started scolding me and all. -.- talking about this and that, about how a doctor shouldn't do this and that, about how hard it is to pass medical school and blablabla. of course i felt quite battered deep down inside but probably he didn't know that its our 1st day at the O&G department, and he is not our doctor, most likely just another people who went to the hospital as a patient or with the relatives. 

to be scolded is fine with me, because some people believe that the method is effective for stamping your authority, or cementing your argument. but honestly if i were to speak, i don't agree with that. raising your voice, getting angry at someone is never a good idea. when you get angry, you started a fire inside you. and 'syaitan' nature is fire, he will get into you and most likely will wind you up into things that you're not supposed to say or do. even if you don't agree with something, you should talk about it in the way that you are able to express your point, but not in a way that it will be seen as negative. but getting scolded once in a while is a good thing to have as well. things don't go smoothly all the time, so a bit of rough patches here and there would be ok with me. 

and i cruel reminder to myself, even though this is the 3rd year of MBBS, which seniors say the most enjoyable part of the MBBS course (not really sure if MBBS is enjoyable at all :p), i still have to open the books, and read them, and also make sure that all my basics which I built for the past 2 years, all those subjects (anatomy, biochemistry, physiology, pathology, pharmacology, microbiology, forensic medicine) must be strong and solid. trust me, in a group of 12 people, you don't want to look stupid by not being attentive or not able to answer questions from the doctors. it would be that obvious that you are not studying or simply an idiot. -.- and yes, i do enjoy clinical postings, even it is tiring, but all the experiences seeing patients, procedures, operations etc is totally invaluable compared to reading those stuffs from the books only. here are some more pictures from our postings. *credit for aidurra and vairam for the pictures from their FB albums*

boys D1 group

boys again

last day at karkala with dr. vinayaka and dr. asha

with dr. neha at paediatrics ward karkala

redza seeing a shocker?

le hospital in karkala

candida shot

good guys, bad guys

assalamualaikum..

this post is something i have been thinking of since a few weeks back, probably about something sensitive and some may not agree with me, and some may agree, but this is just my opinion and nothing to do with anyone around me. it is quite long, and if you find this is boring you, i'm fine with that. :) this post is mainly about 'hijrah', by that i mean hijrah from bad to good. people always look for guidance whether they realise it or not, because that's just a basic instinct of a human being. they need guidance, someone to show them the right way and path. in this case, the guidance is 'hidayah' from Allah S.W.T. and this hidayah may come in various ways, situation, and we never knew when or how this hidayah will come to us.

and that brings me to a thought. let me share you a tweet that i read on twitter a few weeks back which sparks the idea on this post.

so first i'll take the former tweet as a discussion. i'm a person of two halves. what i mean here is i've been in both positions. before this i admit, i'm not a good person, especially when it comes to Islam, been reckless and careless about my responsibility as a Muslim. and now i believe i'm a better person than who i am before, but still not enough to be warranted as a good Muslim. and by attending these 'majlis ilmu' i have learnt a lot from people who have a lot of 'ilmu' on Islam itself. and why those tweets above? because i've been in those two opposites of good and bad people, i see something which some may not see. what i mean here is i'm seeing this matter in two ways. from the eyes of the bad person, and from the eyes of a slightly better person should i say. everyone wants to become a better person than who they were before, no doubt about that. never i heard a person likes being a bad person nor accepts him/her as the way they are (being a bad person). so these changes, or 'hijrah' is completely normal, a nature of a human being which always seeks for guidance.

but what i'm trying to concentrate in this post is, sometimes when people shift from bad to good, that transition period sometimes has it's own complication. which is mentioned in the tweets above. what i see from my school, college and university days is something that worries me. i understand that no one likes bad people. but then in Islam, no matter how bad or worse a person is, he/she deserves a right. a right to be preached, or in a proper way, Da'wah. a person with even a piece a knowledge must share that knowledge to another person who haven't heard of it. and what i see around me sadly, there's an opening gap between those two opposites. the 'good' guys see the 'bad' guys as 'jahil', doesn't look like they are looking for help, and not intending to develop into a better person. while on the other hand, the 'bad' guys sees the 'good' guys as intimidating, secluded to their own group, doesn't mix with other people and unapproachable. socially those two opposites will never mix. presumably because each has their own views on other people.

and when this happens, the 'good' guys will only mix among themselves, and the 'bad' guys will stay on their current state, probably will not become the 'good' guys. this is merely due to a misunderstanding. i've been on the bad side, and its not like we intentionally like being bad. its just we didn't knew that we were. we have no problems in making friends or mixing with others. and being on the 'good' side, only as a slightly better person that who i am before mind you, i saw something wrong. its not that the 'good' guys hate those 'bad' guys. because they have developed into a better person, somehow that sense of feeling that they have 'understood' the religion creeps under. the 'good' guys feel like they knew something, and they see the 'bad' guys as some hopeless people, or shall i say hopeless, because they didn't 'understand' what the 'good' guys fought for. this is a big problem, which is making ASSUMPTIONS out of your PERCEPTIONS. you can never be right all the time, and when you get it wrong, usually things will go bad. and these gaps will only become even bigger by time.

for example, yes it is true that the 'bad' guys may refuse to go to a 'majlis ilmu', say an 'usrah'. but i as a person who was in their shoes before, it is because i didn't understand the purpose, the goal of being in an 'usrah'. and those 'good' guys who have some knowledge, some information, must tell those 'bad' guys of what really an 'usrah' or 'majlis ilmu' is. that is the real purpose of those kind of groups. to bring people to the good, not by selecting a few who you think have the potential to become good because everyone have that potential. and everyone have the right to be told what is right and what is wrong. the biggest problem here is the APPROACH. just as i posted in my last post, you must 'seek to understand, to be understood' by the 'bad' guys. you shouldn't go harsh on these people, cause they may rebel or fight back. but you should not ignore them completely. as a Muslim we must spread our knowledge to other people.

i've went out with few jama'ah (tabligh) before, for like 3, 40 days. and also sat together with 'usrah' groups. there's nothing wrong with those two, in fact its a good thing to have or to be in. only that the method, the approach sometimes disappoints you. when i was out with the tabligh jama'ah, on a 'ghast' (ghast is when jama'ah goes from home to home, usually after Asar to invite people to go to masjid for bayan or ta'alims by the jama'ah). and it is almost Maghrib when i along with the jama'ah walked passed by a football field. as usual, there a few 'newbies' in the jama'ah, and in those guys i see something wrong, similar to 'newbies' in usrahs which i will talk about it later. so those 'newbies' went to the field, and invited the boys and guys who are still playing at the field to come along with us for Maghrib prayer. mind you that they all are sweaty and dirty from playing football just now, but these guys insist to take them along as well. to me, at least allow them to go back home, clean themselves up, shower, and then come to the masjid. not taking them along with all those smelly odour and dirty clothes to the holy place, home of Allah which is the masjid. and you might say what if they go home and never show up at the masjid? that's when your HUSNUZON comes in. you talk about 'husnuzon' all the time, and try maybe once to apply it in a real life situation. maybe they're not coming for Maghrib because they are still showering, or they perform jama'ah prayer back at home. or even better they are also taking along their other family or friends. and even when they didn't show up at all, don't give up. SABAR. even our beloved Rasulullah have been tested even worse than us. and who we are to say those people have no hope, bad or whatever? husnuzon is one of the 5 characters of Sahabat which makes them glorious in Dunia & Akhirat.

and for the 'usrah' groups, just because those 'bad' guys doesn't seem interested in your group, do not befriend them. yes i do agree, the factor which causes Bani Israil to fall down is because they try to bring people to good, and when they failed they kept mixing with those people. there's an Ayat in the Quran about that matter. but in this case, it is a completely different issue. its not that you've failed. its the approach that fails you. be friends to those 'bad' guys. make yourself approachable, understandable. even if you come up with explanation of 'dosa' or 'pahala' or even the 'Akhirat' to them, they may not understand, which repels them away from you. instead, go easy on them. be nice. insyaAllah somehow Allah with His mercy, will give those bad people 'hidayah'. whether they change or not, it is none of our business. 'hidayah' comes from Allah, given to whoever Allah feels like deserves it. our responsibility is to do our very best, take those 'bad' guys and teach them whatever we know. never ever give up, or assume that they are hopeless. never differentiate or discriminate them just because you feel like you understand or know something that they do not know. you might just put yourself into the trap of 'takabbur'. Rasulullah himself spent 13 years on building the basics of Iman on the Sahabats. and you dare to say those 'bad' guys are hopeless, 'mundur' while you yourself have never said or even talked to them? take a look back in the mirror, reflect yourself. you attend 'majlis ilmu', but then deep inside you, a deep hatred to a certain group of people builds up inside. that is exactly the opposite of what a 'majlis ilmu' was meant for. be nice, change our approach, and be more understandable, and insyaAllah everyone will be blessed.

sorry if any of the things mentioned above sounds harsh, but i believe i've made my point, based on my views as a 'bad' person i was before, and my view as a slightly better person now. comments are openly accepted. assalamualaikum. :)

3rd Year MBBS

assalamualaikum..

its been a while since i've updated this blog *yes i know i've started my previous posts with this kind of intro -.- *. sorry for the long period of dormancy but it is all due to the pressure of the 2nd year MBBS final exam. which explains the title 3rd year MBBS for this post. alhamdulillah i've made it to the 3rd year of the course, hence completing the pre-clinical stage. and this time it felt much better than the 1st year finals since i've passed without having to go for any borderline viva to pass.

3rd Year!

so i'm already moving on to 2nd week for the 3rd year and my first postings is paediatrics posting *kids weehoo! :p *. luckily my postings group are handpicked to suit me and the rest of us, so there's no issue of awkwardness in the group since we already knew each other well enough. and we've been to the hospital twice already and yes, it is kinda intimidating, if i have to admit. but then those are the challenges i will need to face in order to progress and develop in order top become a decent and good doctor later. so far it is going well for us, and the only concern for now is the language barrier between us and the patients. most of them doesn't speak/converse in English, thus making history taking or even starting a conversation tough. i can't believe i have to say this, but like it or not, i need to learn some sort of Kannada after all. -.-

SEMPOI

ok here i think it is not appropriate to use English, so i will write this part using Malay. :B sepanjang hujung minggu ini saya berkesempatan untuk menghadiri program SEMPOI di Mangalore bersama sama pelajar-pelajar Malaysia dari tempat tempat lain di India e.g : Bangalore, Mangalore, Davangere etc... dan alhamdulillah sepanjang program tersebut, walaupun saya hadir sedikit lewat berbanding dengan peserta peserta lain tetapi pengisian sepanjang 1 hari tersebut saya rasakan amat bermakna dan penuh dengan manfaat. sesi sesi LDK yang diselitkan antara slot slot ceramah dari Ustaz Hasrizal amat berguna sekali buat kami para peserta. memang terasa rugi kerana tak dapat nak attend program dari hari pertama tapi saya rasa sepanjang program tersebut masa saya telah diluangkan untuk sesuatu yang bermanfaat dan berfaedah, plus saya dapat menambah ilmu dan juga mendengar cerita cerita pengalaman dari Ustaz Hasrizal sendiri.

saya cuma sempat hadir untuk 3 slot ceramah dari Ustaz Hasrizal dan ceramah ustaz berkaitan dengan tajuk '7 steps to become successful in life' *x berapa sure dengan tajuk asal*. slot pertama saya ialah slot ke-5 bersama peserta lain dan tajuk nya is 'seek to understand, to be understood'. tajuk memang agak confusing, tapi sebab approach ustaz dalam berceramah menarik so memang x hilang fokus langsung sepanjang ceramah. apa yang saya dapat dari slot itu ialah cara2 kita nak approach orang dalam membantu menyelesaikan masalah orang tersebut. most of the time kita selalu cuba nak membantu, tapi caranya salah dan akhirnya bukan lagi membantu, malah memburukkan lagi keadaan. apa yang ustaz sampaikan dalam slot tu ialah kita sebagai seseorang yang hendak menawarkan bantuan kepada orang lain, perlulah memahami masalah orang tersebut, barulah kita boleh expect orang itu tadi untuk memahami apa yang kita sampaikan. kalau nak quote dari ayat ustaz, kita mestilah 'imagine ourselves living in the person's shoes' atau meletakkan diri kita sendiri di tempat orang tersebut. bila kita dah faham situasi sebenar barulah kita boleh menawarkan penyelesaian atau bantuan kepada orang itu tadi. kadang 2 kita selalu expect orang untuk memahami kita tanpa memahami orang lain dan sebab ni lah boleh berlaku masalah, atau orang melawan kata2/nasihat yang kita berikan. approach dan cara menasihat itu perlulah betul dan parallel dengan situasi, jenis dan attitude orang tersebut.

bagi slot seterusnya ustaz bercerita tentang pengalaman nya semasa belajar di Jordan, kemudian berkerja di UK & Belfast. panjang sekali cerita dari ustaz dan apa yang saya dapat ceritakan di sini ialah kita x sepatutnya berasa yang kita ini Allah telah uji dengan seberat2 ujian, kerana di luar sana lebih ramai lagi insan2 lain yang telah Allah duga dengan bermacam2 ujian, musibah, masalah etc.bagi saya, apa yang telah diceritakan dari pengalaman ustaz tadi adalah tandanya Allah sayangkan beliau sehinggakan beliau diuji sampai macam tu sekali. orang yang wara', alim, dan dekat dengan Allah memang selalunya akan diuji dan didatangkan macam2 jenis dugaan sebagai tanda bahawa mereka itu ada dalam rancangan Allah. maka sebaik2 nya bila kita sendiri ditimpa masalah/ujian kita patutlah menerimanya dengan tabah, sebaiknya dengan ucapan alhamdulillah kerana itu tandanya Allah masih sayangkan kita lagi, kita masih ada dalam perancangan Nya. dari cerita ustaz juga saya dapat simpulkan yang sabar dalam menghadapi masalah ada jenis2 nya. sesetengah orang 'bersabar' dalam menghadapi masalah dengan merelakan dirnya dizalimi atau kalah dalam situasi2 berkenaan. dari apa yang saya faham, ini bukanlah sabar yang dimaksudkan tapi sebenarnya mengaku kalah atau 'giving up'. seseorang insan itu sepatutnya cuba untuk menghadapi ujian yang dihadapinya, dan juga mencari jalan penyelesaian/keluar dari masalah tersebut. itu adalah cara yang sebetulnya jika hendak bersabar dalam menghadapi situasi2 sukar dalam hidup.

kemudian ada 2 slot kecil ceramah ustaz on 'synergism' & 'sharpen the saw' sebagai penutup program SEMPOI. synergism is basically pasal kerjasama, teamwork etc dalam menyelesaikan masalah/buat kerja etc. and sharpen the saw, actually dah dengar benda ni before program SEMPOI lagi, time buat A-Level to be exact. Mr. Ho told that concept dulu, di mana sekuat mana pun kita berusaha, ada hadnya, dan macam yang kita selalu dengar, bersederhana. tidak salah untuk kita bekerja keras, tapi kita perlulah mengambil masa untuk merehatkan diri sekejap, dengan niat untuk menaikkan mutu kerja & productivity. kisah tentang Huzaifah r.a dan Abu Bakar r.a yang merasakan diri mereka itu munafik kerana mereka merasakan iman mereka bertambah dan meningkat apabila berada dalam majlis ilmu bersama Rasulullah S.A.W tetapi menjadi kurang bila mereka bekerja/bersama family etc. dan Rasulullah S.A.W telah berkata pada mereka yang kita perlu ada masa untuk itu, ada masa untuk ini dan Rasulullah S.A.W mengulangi kata2 itu sebanyak 3 kali, untuk meng'highlight'kan pentingnya bersederhana dalam hidup, kerja, even amalan kerana perlu ada balance dalam hidup kita supaya kita dapat menjadi insan yang successful. :)

di penghujung program ustaz ada menyelitkan 5 cara2 untuk menunjukkan/expressing perasaan kasih sayang kita kepada orang lain e.g : ibu, ayah, adik2 etc. tapi dah rasa penat nak type. :p maka lain kali lah type lagi. hehe. insyaallah 3rd year ada banyak time, so this blog will probably remain alive and updated for a good amount of time. thanks for spending your time if you managed to read this post till the very end, and assalamualaikum, may all of you get what i'm trying to share here and may it benefit you as well as i did. :)

study break

ok. its been like 2 odd months since this blog is updated. and i'm surrounded by all sorts of guilt when writing this entry. "you should be studying" immediately rang inside my head. @_@ and a lot has happened along that 2 months++ gap. got new stuffs, learn a lot(obviously) and so on.

and it's the same stage again that i'm facing. so much time, yet so little to spend on. but honestly i believe this time things turned out much better compared to last year. last year had its moments, ups and mostly downs, and insyaAllah for all those that i've went through, i think i'm more mentally prepared to face UNIS.

and worry not, i always have my family, person who cares, friends, who always prayed and will continue to pray for my success. and that is the motivation that keeps me going on. insyaAllah i will do my best and won't let anyone down.

a week or so into the study week, i felt that i could have done better, maybe keeping up the pace since time is not on my side. speed reading may be a good idea but the knowledge is something that we need to retain, not something that we hold on to and let go afterwards. so, get going and keep studying! all the best to fellow friends of batch 25, not forgetting batch 27 & BDS 1 & 2 for your UNIS!

*P/S : this blog may remain dormant again probably till holiday. :B

cuti

assalamualaikum. ok i know, my last post was on the 1st day i reached malaysia for my holidays. and now i'm about to go back for 2nd sem of 2nd year. i told that i would update this blog regularly (did i told that?) but, suprise2! i didn't. -.- i have a good reason for that.

1st is because i'm at home. no pressure like at manipal. so less urge to de'stress' myself like what i usually did back then. asal stress (kononnya stress belajar) bukak laptop. asal stress main gitar. but then mesti cover balik study la. :p at home, i don't really get online that often. i had other good things to do rather than sitting in front of laptop/PC.

2nd reason is because internet satu saje. i mean only 1 broadband in my house. celcom broadband (self proclaimed up to 7.2 mbps padahal mcm 512kbps). but still acceptable lah. youtube mmg x dpt buffer full upon watching mcm airtel 2mbps but still ok. so when my brothers are using the broadband, i can't use it. or if i'm using it, i won't use it for too long also. timbangrasa lah. hehe. if i intend to go online for long periods, only late midnight when sure no people use (occasionally my father would use also at this time).

nonetheless, no big deal on getting online at home. you have been online for most of the time in manipal, takkan nak online jugak kat rumah kan?

so what did i do during holidays then? duduk rumah lah! haha. yup. i didn't had a lot of stuffs going on during this holidays, but yes, i enjoyed it. duduk rumah is fine with me. yes, all of my friends live at other places, so that rules out hanging out with friends as an activity of holidays. but its ok. holidays are meant for family. :) most of the time spent playing with the only girl of my siblings, aisya sofea. :D kids are always adorable, & siblings are always loveable.

and i went back 2 both of my parent's kampung also. my father's at igan, and my mother's at rajang. its always a need to go back to kampung. :) meet my relatives & just being there is always a good thing to do.

the bad thing? i become a very very passive. no outdoor activites at all. my fitness surely dips down very badly. -.- haish. that's the downside of no friends around you. at least if i have some of you guys here maybe few futsal games or whatever would keep me active. i really need to iron out this passiveness when i get back in manipal soon.

i leave the best part of holidays at the last. food and delicacies! always a great stuff to get to. my home is at mukah, just moved from sibu about a year or so. mukah is a small town, riverside & dies after 9pm. and its has tons of seafood & riverfood(lol) supply! i eat prawns like keropok. mum's cupcakes. homemade ice creams. nestle drumstick. KFC. McD. and the list goes on. those are stuffs you can't find anywhere but malaysia (ok, KFC & McD is there in india but they are crappy compared to malaysia).how awesome a short 1 month holiday could be, and i wish it could have been longer but i have to accept the fact. later on when i become a doctor (insyaallah) i would probably have less time to spend with my family. :( so any available time, i must spend, use it well because time is essence, gold & most importantly, its irreplaceable.

thats it for now. will be leaving for KL on wednesday & cochin on thursday. oh this leaving part after holidays really2 sucks. hard. T_T

assalamualaikum.

i am home!

assalamualaikum..

its been a while since i updated this blog because i had block 2 exams for the past few weeks so need to stop distracting myself from these kind of "lagha" stuffs. currently at LCCT's food court (dizziness has started to kick in due to inadequate amount of sleep -.-). there's a lot things been happening around for the past few weeks and sure, i won't be able to type it all here.

so holiday time for 1 month onwards, i feel like i need to take this chance and spend my time well back in malaysia. it feels like just yesterday since i left for india to continue on 2nd year, but the feeling of excitement for homecoming has been overwhelming since the exam started. that is what me myself refer as the '2nd block syndrome'. you start to think conciously & subconciously about holidays, day & night. hahaha.

ok..now my head is spinning around & headache also has come to join the dizziness..i'd excuse myself for now. insyaallah i'll be updating on the 3rd part of my story on getting to manipal (duh, x abis2 lagi ke..). happy holidays to all MMMC students & enjoy your holidays! :D

assalamualaikum.

bila dah nak exam

bila dah nak exam mula la buat benda yang jarang dibuat kalau x ada exam. (yes, studying itu misti).

time x ada exam, tak pernah pulak pegang gitar nak belajar lagu baru.

bila dah nak exam, tiba tiba rajin lah pulak nak angkat gitar. konon nak belajar lagu baru lah, konon nak main main ngan multieffect sebab bajet boleh dapat tone guitar macam gitar manson matt bellamy (3400++ pounds worth of money) padahal gitar sendiri gitar rm700++.

time x ada exam, tak pernah pulak nak pandang ps2 kat ruang tamu. (of course la, who plays ps2 nowadays kan?)

bila dah nak exam, tiba tiba semangat pulak ajak orang main ps2. tadi cakap dah x pandang pun ps2 sebelum ni.

time x ada exam, tak pernah pulak nak duduk depan tv tgok series, sitcom, game show, movies blablablabla.

bila dah nak exam, tiba tiba rajin pulak bukak tv carik cerita best (kononnya nak lepas tension). sampaikan semua channel yang ada pun kau balun. x pernah2 tengok bachelor & bachelorette, tiba2 tengok pulak.

tapi yang paling penting sekali, bila dah nak exam, saya sepatutnya membuka buku, menelaah sedalam dalamnya sampai lebam. haish. patutnya time x ada exam la update blog, ni time2 ada exam tetiba semangat nak update blog. -____-

p/s : all the best my batch 25 friends for upcoming class tests & block 2 exams!

dormant, latency

i gotta leave this blog just for a few weeks time since this coming weekend a pathology class test is coming up, then another 2 tests on microbiology & pharmacology is also there. so need to get myself focused & primed for those times. insyaallah after my block 2 exam i will complete the last part of my story of how i got here in manipal. :)

how did i end up in manipal part 2

salam. so a swift update after last night's post sebab kalau biar lama2 nanti tak terupdate pulak. :) for those of you who read the 1st part, so probably you all are aware that i left it right after i went back home for iftar on monday 7th of sept. it was a pretty long day, (of course its a long day, pusing2 kl bagai in the end no progress in visa, checkup, borang2 mara & all plus someone managed to cry like a little boy :( ). and so i went home (usu's home) after maghrib prayer that day. back at usu's home that time, we have usu's family (of course since its her home :p) and both nek usu & nek anjang (not sure what you all call yours, but these are my grandmothers sibling - just for info) since both of them are going to celebrate raya along with usu at pilah later.

tuesday

i woke up this day with a main aim, to get my visa done, probably get a medical checkup done and post all those mara docs back to my parents at sibu since its the only way to get it filled up. mara gave us (me and yana) till friday to get those documents settled and all. so that morning, usu sent me to jalan duta for visa purposes. there i met yana and after that follow her paksu & ibu afterwards. so nothing much or no peculiar events at indian embassy. and then i dont really recall much on what happened on this day, (probably because it is stressful rather than emotional?) so nothing much to tell i guess. just posting my documents and stuffs at poslaju, hoping that it will be sent immediately (i sent it really2 early like 8am something?). because theoretically the earliest it would reach my parents is the next day, and then blablablabla with getting signatures, penjamin, setem hasil and so on would take a day to do) the next thing i know that day is yes, there goes an empty seat in an airasia flight back to kuching (because that time kuching route is the cheapest option rather than a direct flight to sibu). sobs. and i got a call from mak, they will be here (in kl) soon, most likely on thursday or friday. so there you have it. not going to sibu, leaving without knowing that i'll be leaving my siblings for india. T_T that time swine flu is still a hot issue in malaysia, so aisya is not following my parents along to kl for her own good also, quite sad about that. because she's my youngest and only sister, and yes, i'm fully aware that i was not quite there for her most of the time. just few months only during holidays, she's just about 3 months old by that time. T_T more tears on this. huhu. balik2 tengok adik dh tau jalan. u missed all the milestones of the important girl in your life.

aisya 3 months old

aisya 1st step (i was already in manipal at this time, but still, sobs T_T)

wednesday and so on

sorry i cant quite recall the exact timeline for these upcoming events, but i'll try to be specific and i'll make sure it's in order. :p no flashbacks or whatsoever. so another day, wednesday, i was told that i can collect my visa later about 4pm on that day. ok. do you think i will have a day rest on that day? no you are wrong! FYI, throughout the whole week, each and every single day i went to kl not for fun, but always for a purpose. orang cakap kalau nak achieve something you need to sacrifice something in return. ok ada flashback sikit, sorry because didn't thought of it during the 1st post.

remember all those crying and all at bank negara station & kl sentral? seriously, what i had in my mind is the thought of just getting back to sibu, and not going to india. yes, i thought about that. dalam hati memang x nak langsung fly dah. biarlah kalau postpone pun postpone la till february. ya Allah entah apa yang aku fikir time tu. tapi bila dh emotional, that will seriously impair your rational ability to judge things. but well, Allah x suka hambanya give up, before the real battle started. memang dalam hati time tu nak je pergi kat mara, tolak offer and probably end up in regret for doing that. -.- sampaikan terfikir nak mintak tukar ke CUCMS or IMU for feb intake. sampai macam tu sekali. huhu.

so back to the story, while waiting for 4pm till i get my visa, usu pun kebetulan off that day (both usu jiji & usu yah kerja as polis) so usu took me for medical checkup. kalau dh klinik2 biasa x dpt cepat, apa lagi, pusat perubatan la jawabnya. another for ringgits is forked out for me. -.- menghabiskan duit mak bapak la keje aku. huhu. i got my medical checkup at pusat perubatan damai, area2 keramat if i'm not mistaken and spend about rm200 on that. huhu. so as usual, as any medical checkup does, blood withdrawn, urine sample blablabla la. whats interesting here it the nurse which is responsible for my checkup that time. she was an indian (which at 1st i thought malaysian indian), real indian i mean. from india! how do i know that? so time draw blood, she asked, for what purpose buat checkup ni? so i responded, nak masuk university. then she asked some more, which university, dekat mana, course apa? so aku jawab je la, manipal university, ambik medic. there i saw her face changed, semacam seronok/syok sendiri, and then she was like, manipal university? india ke? karnataka? i was like ok.....so that is basically my first encounter with the people who we knew now is "tempe". right back at our backyard, malaysia i met with a tempe. -.- excited gila nurse tu time tu, tanya this and that but that time, what i know about india is just manipal university. :p i didnt even know that karnataka is a state till i get here.

so that evening, i took my visa at dataran merdeka area (not sure where it is since i already forgot it) and basically thats the end of my day. mak & ayah had their flight confirmed for kl on this coming thursday. the next day, my parents arrive at kl, along with all my stuffs packed up already for fly. huhu. trust me, those weeks are when most of my tears are spent. tgok beg pakaian yg dh siap berkemas, rasa nk nangis. call mak nk update/discuss pasal fly, rasa nak nangis. memang moral sangat2 down by that time. so after picking up my parents at kl sentral, we went straight for low yat, since my father wanted to settle on easy matters 1st (in this case looking for a laptop). so there we go, to lowyat and i bought this laptop which im using right now, about rm2300. what hurts me the most is that, i got to know that my parents had to borrow cash so that i could get a laptop. sobsssss. T_T so recall back, ringgits spent on me for tickets for btn, tickets for MMMC & mara (4 flights in total), then my medical checkup, and now laptop. sobsssss. T_T thats why you must, must appreciate what your parents has done for you. itu baru dari segi duit. just imagine how my parents were when they knew i need to leave malaysia ASAP. spend some more money for their own tickets to get to kl, so in total with my tickets, they already spend a lot of money for 8 flight tickets (another 4 is my parent's to & fro ticket). to make things worse, dah nak raya kot. dah nak raya and you're spending money like tap water, borrowing some more from people. dalam hati aku, ya Allah, kalau ini lah yg Engkau tetapkan untuk aku, biarlah ia berbaloi & worth it.

i could just imagine how hectic it was for my parents back at home bila dh dapat semua documents mara that i posted earlier. huhu. and they had just 1 day to do that. carik penjamin, pegi mahkamah & all, sain sana sain sini. gosh i was a trouble for them. tapi itulah kasih ibu bapa. sobsss. they will do anything for the sake of their children. huhu. T____T

and so after we got the laptop, and its almost iftar already that day, so we decided to buka puasa at masjid jamek before getting home. that time, masa ambil wudhu, ya Allah, sungguh aku rasa sangat2 bersalah sebab menyusahkan mak & ayah. if only i passed my a-level, if only i didn't screwed up that time, sure aku x menyusahkan mak ayah aku sampai macam ni sekali. at least kalau pass, they all would be more prepared that i will leave. not in this kind of way. memang sungguh2 aku menangis dalam solat that maghrib, sebab memang rasa berat sangat dugaan time tu. tgok parents datang all the way after flight, bukan terus rehat kat rumah. terus pergi jalan sana sini settlekan apa yang boleh untuk aku fly. T_T besar pengorbanan mereka. i can just feel that i took hak adik2, for all the money my parents spent on me, which probably should go for their raya expenditures and all. even to my surprise, pak ni, guru agama ayah aku, gave rm300 to my father, to help us. for a guru agama, which only gets money from teaching and mengubat orang, i got to thank him for that. i owe that to him. my family is not that wealthy either, sekadar average, but to spend huge amount of money in a short space of time, is a big big burden for us.

memang time jemaah maghrib dekat jamek aku sengaja sembahyang jauh sikit from my father, because i didn't want him to see me crying & all. probably that is the same case for both of them. huhu.

i think i need to stop writing for now. after this is just some silly mara issues, karenah birokrasi la kut, so malas nak update on that, i'll just skip right away to last few days before fly instead. which i spent invaluably with my parents. that's it for now. will update soon. sobsssss. T_T

how did i end up in manipal

so here i go. before i go any further into the topic, just some updates of past 2 weeks or so. i shaved of my long hair and traded it with short, short almost bald hair a.k.a botak num 1. kinda shabby with managing long hair so decided to cut it off for good. and then duit mara sudah masuk, and some people told that is the allowance for books, which means....duit bulanan is still yet to come! (i'm already thinking of stuffs too buy back at malaysia during holidays. @_@). other than that, i think its always been the same stuff, classes, blablablabla and so on.

let's get on with the topic shall we? i think i'm going to write in english for this post, since it would be much easier for me to narrate this whole stuff. some malays or melanaus would come up here and there afterwards, just to preserve the originality or feeeel or the story. mind you, this probably end up as a long long long post but i think its worth sharing. its ok if you can't bear the length, just feels like sharing so that someone else know what i've been through before. so that this hopefully would not happen to any of you who are reading this post now.

college days

my friends here in MMMC probably thought i was from KTT before getting here. *teettttttt. you are wrong. my previous college was kolej shahputra @ KSP, kuantan. don't ask me how i got there, that's mara business for placing me there. and i learnt a lot of things about life and stuffs there. that would probably go down as another separate post. so i was doing my a-level at KSP, for 2 years and bound for UK. i went for several interviews before a-level results came out, 2 of them in fact, which is university of sheffield & university of manchester. i got a conditional offer from university of manchester which i need to get AAB for my a-level in order to continue my studies over there. dipendekkan cerita, i was terrible at chemistry, so i struggled pretty much on catching up with chemistry syllabus during the exam preparation. and when the result came out, which was BBB, yes, you guessed it, i was devastated. -.- to see B for my chemistry was a relief, because i was hoping for at least B for chemistry and the rest for biology & maths would be a straightforward A's. to my surprise, it turns out to be different. BBB it is. huhu. so there goes my hopes of getting to manchester university at the mancunian land of the united kingdom. during that time, i was left with no options and just hoping that mara would have something to do with me. T_T

btn week

so this is when all the hardships of getting to india began. still at sibu at that moment, and i got a phone call from akak mara on 15th of august 2009 telling me that i need to attend a BTN course at negeri 9. the course will commence on 17th of august till 21th of that month. mind you, i live in sibu, sarawak, which probably some of you especially guys at mara that might forget that i need to cross the laut china selatan in order to get to negeri 9? so me & my mother scrambled ourselves looking for the cheapest and earliest flight (flight ok, not bus tickets) from sibu to kl to attend that btn course. and just to rub our noses further into the dirt, mara told that all expenses are not funded by them. -.- luckily mas had offers for kuching-kl flight & kl-kuching flight just at the right time when i needed it the most. still my parents had to fork out rm250++ for tickets and all. thanks to pak cik sidek for helping us with online ticket payment. i owe you that. so off i went for btn a day before 17th august and i stayed a night a my usu's house at kl. the next day i took the earliest bus to seremban & went to the btn camp along with aman and mil.alhamdulillah everything went well that time and the btn course itself was not bad either. to be honest, i enjoyed it pretty much and made new friends there.

my btn group - group 4

makan time!

repelling - very very cool indeed

inside the hall

so it was pretty much a very very awesome week for me after all despite all the troubles here and there. not the toughest challenge i've faced but still the upcoming weeks are going to be the toughest i've ever went through. after btn, i went back to sibu and by that time some rumours have spread among us that we will be sent to india as mara are kind enough to give us another chance. alhamdulillah. cuma terlintas dalam hati, kalau betul la aku fly, how would i face it? aku x ready lagi. T_T

MMMC & mara week

so this is where things go absolutely tough and wrong for me. again, the same story, received a phone call out of the blue on 1st or 2nd or august(not pretty sure about that), this time from miss sheila mohan of MMMC melaka campus though. telling that i need to attend an interview for MMMC intake at melaka on friday, 4th of september. remember i have just got back from btn course few days before, and now i had to attend an interview, at melaka this time.

'apa ingat sibu ngan melaka tu boleh drive kereta 2 jam setengah pastu sampai nak attend interview?'

i was very2 mad at that time considering i've just forked out my parents wallet just to attend a btn course while their son still hanging nowhere to go for medical degree. but still, i got no choice considering that mara has already arranged the interview with MMMC on my behalf. by that time my other KSP friends, KMS & KTT friends had taken the interview and already received the offer from MMMC. so i went to kl (again, this time i got no luck with flight tickets which cost almost rm300 i guess) a day before the interview (thursday). i got to melaka thanks to yana's ibu help and attended the interview. so me and yana went for the interview and well, as the guys told, you already had your offer letter even before you are interviewed. haha.

the next day, saturday me and mil again went to melaka from seremban for the orientation day at MMMC melaka campus. there i got my first glimpse of KMS guys on that day. dalam hati cakap 'mak ai muka sume bijak2 seh'. so i was told that they will be leaving malaysia for manipal on 9th of september. so this unevitable thought went through my mind, if they're leaving on 9th, when would i do? considering i still havent got any papers or agreement from mara on scholarship and all, let alone the visa stuff.

from left - awe, redza, matwan, jawo, piq. most right of the pic in maroon is me & mil is next to me. :)

so there you have it. i went for the interview, still no news from mara about what to do, when is the date for leaving malaysia. all i'm looking forward after that orientation day (5th sept - saturday) is get to kl, stay at usu's house and get back to sibu on the next tuesday (8th sept). and the next day which is sunday, yana told me that we will be joining those guys(KMS, KTT guys) for mara pre-departure briefing at mara hq on monday. i still have few days before going back to sibu, so why not? i went for the briefing on the monday. so this day marks the beginninng of the hardest week i've ever faced in my life.

hardest week ever

as i remember, i get myself ready pretty early that day, since the briefing is going to start at 9. went to mara's hq by lrt as early as 7. that day selangor was having public holiday for nuzul quran (17 ramadhan) but kl is excluded from the holiday. so i arrived at mara hq, get to meet cuki, aman, ella & tasha also there to settle mara issues of their own. so blablabla, briefing this and that, me and yana were called up by puan (cant recall her name) and given all this silly loads of forms to fill out. biasalah berurusan dengan these matters, banyak hitam & putih. and to my surprise, i was told that the flight date for me & yana is going to be on 14th of september. that was like 3-4 days left before hari raya! T_T i am starting to worry by that time, thinking would i make it home before the fly date? huhuhu. so the briefing day ends about 11am something. and there i was, left with bundles of documents to fill up, mintak cop itu, cop ini, beli setem itu setem ini, carik penjamin and so on. i was alone at kl with my parents back at sibu. in the afternoon that day, me and yana with the help of her pak su and ibu went for visa, since they told that that is the easiest thing to be done. and so i did but in the end it was too late because indian embassy is closed early (for what reason i do not know).

so left frustrated with visa issues, we went for checkup instead. thanks a lot for yana's paksu and ibu for willing to help me on medical checkup, even though in the end it turns out fruitless since most clinics will need 4-5 days to get the results done. after pusing2 all around kl for medical checkup which never happened, i asked yana's paksu to drop me at bank negara's komuter station across the mara hq there. it was 4pm that time, and i decided to call my mother to tell what's up with this 'fly' issue. after some thought by mak, she told that,

'asri, mai perlu lah kawan mulik tugun sibu lau sung. document2 smuah pitang ngah mak lau sung, kamik settlekan and insyaallah mak & apak akan labik malui kawan tang inan'

simply translated from melanau to bm, my mak told that x payahlah balik besok (since my flight to sibu supposed to be on tuesday@tomorrow) kalau dah macam tu, document2 semua poskan kat mak, mak & ayah akan settlekan & insyaallah mak & ayah akan datang sekali. mind you, during this conversation i was lining up to buy komuter ticket to kl sentral (even selangor cuti pun, kalau dh pukul 4, peak hour memang akan ramai org) and memang x dapat tahan langsung masa tu, i ended up crying after my mak finished her sentence above. just imagine, the morning i left for sibu-kl flight on 3rd sept, my brothers and my sister is still asleep. i didn't even manage to salam or kiss them because i was very sure at that time i would make it home before leaving for india. knowing this really really broke my heart after my mak told me that no need for me to get home on the next day. yes, i cried amongst the many people at that time. memang xde rasa malu2 lagi dh, sebab memang dh sangat2 sedih to know that fact. yes, i know mak's decision was absolutely right, since there's not much time for me to settle this and that before leaving but deep inside me, i need to get back home just before i leave to say goodbye to everyone.

aisya & ehsan

my siblings - taken during last raya

so there you have it. me crying on how i can't get back home just before i leave and yes, it hurts a lot (sorry agak emo tapi thats exactly what i feel that time). so i sobbed all the way till kl sentral (no, no that macho kind of cry, i'm crying like a little boy :'( ) and upon reaching kl sentral, i went straight to the surau because i still haven't prayed for asar yet. there, i cried as i might throughout the solat, and then read yasin few times to calm this broken heart. lagipun time tu bulan puasa, alhamdulillah Allah bagi ketenangan lepas solat sunat, yasin. i stayed at the surau for a little while till iftar, and had my iftar at kl sentral food court. here i met a sis, probably a bit older than me sitting in front of me for iftar too. so she asked me, 'aik, keje jugak ke cuti2 camni?'. i was like, what should i answer? dengan mata bengkak sebab nangis mcm nak gila tadi, i answered,"a'ah, keje kat mara". hahahaha, i was laughing at myself at that time. :p keje kat mara? LOLZZZ. at least that made felt a bit better after non-stop continuous crying earlier. hehe. so after a long day inside the heart of kl, beginning with pre departure briefing at mara hq, then jalan duta for indian embassy for visa (yang dh tutup by 2 kalau x silap) and then all over kl for clinic which offers fast medical checkups (nowhere to be found though) and a funny incident at kl sentral food court during iftar.

i think i need to stop for a while in writing this tragic (if that's it is for you guys, but definitely tragic for me) tale of myself. still some more to go on how i faced those challenges which made me think over and over again, Allah already wrote this in my taqdir and always, there's hikmah in each and everything that Allah had set for us. just like what was told by Allah inside Quran,

terjemahan given below

some text missing : dan rahmatilah kami, Engkaulah penolong kami, maka tolonglah kami terhadap kaum yang kafir.

i believe in Allah, whatever he decides for me, that's the best he want for me. insyaallah akan saya sambung lagi post ini soon. for those who made it till now, thanks a lot for you concern and time reading this post. i really really appreciate that and insyaallah the update would come soon rather than later. :) still some more to go but were almost there to the end.

assalamualaikum.

malas update blog

sigh.

lecturers

ok..1st of all i know i shouldn't be doing this at 230am when i should be sleeping & getting enuf rest for tomorrow's class but then i already dozed myself all the way after maghrib till 1130. so that qualifies as sleep as well, just shifted a bit earlier than it should be. actually dah lama nak cakap pasal isu ni, tapi x tercakap2 jugak and at last today i think it has gone too far.

this "funny" lecturer phenomenon has gone from bad to worse(from my opinion la) since 1st yr up to 2nd block of 2nd year. so sekarang almost every lecturer yg ada kat MMMC dh masuk n taught batch 25. and what i do notice is when the lecturer/cikgu tu best semacam, so he/she will be getting nice reception from kami kanak2 batch 25 yang aktif@semangat ini. and when the lecturer itu semacam awkward/baru 1st time mengajar/bkn org lama, somehow i noticed that these lecturer akan kena "buli" by we students. -_____-

so this where things get worse. bila cikgu kat depan yang sedia maklum baru lagi dalam dunia ber'lecture (ok i know thats not a legit word :p) and students in the class buat2 x tau or make fun of them (almaklumlah duduk india, i got to admit yang accents cikgu-cikgi di sini mmg inevitably funny), this seems kinda insult to the teacher yg tengah mengajar kat depan. obviously cikgu kat depan tu mengajar, mesti dia dh penat2 prepare slide, baca balik sikit2 buku dan carik some info/clinical cases so that we will understand easier (dont lie, none of us bother reading what teacher akan ajar besok let alone reading what they all taught before). so bila kami kanak2 medic yang baik2 belaka buat hal time cikgu mengajar, maybe kita tengok cikgu tu macam x perasan/senyum2 je/or just tegur macam x tegur, tapi are we totally sure yg cikgu tu suka/senang hati tengok kita buat x layan time dia ajar kat depan?

and bila dh cikgu x senang hati, geram, marah dengan students, especially in context of uni life where we have 150+ students in a lecture hall, dia x kan cakap,

budak2 this & that ni memang bisng betul la dalam kelas, dh la kacau org lain blablabla n so on.

cikgu akan refer budak2 nakal ni as budak2 batch sekian2. so secara x langsung, sbb ada some 'naughty' kids in the class, all students dh kena cop as nakal. dan kita tau cikgu itu perlulah dihormati dan berkat dari cikgu itu penting. x kisahlah cikgu tu indian pun tapi still adab berguru itu penting. so bila cikgu dh x suka dengan perangai kita, adakah kita rasa ilmu yg kita belajar itu berkat? mmg sometimes cikgu2 yg baru, or cam takut2 sikit nk mengajar buat kita rasa macam - "baik x payah ajar" tapi still kita kena hormat they all.

kalau pun memang kureng habis dengan cara cikgu tu mengajar, jangan la kacau cikgu tu mengajar by any means (buat bising, laughing at their accents n so on). org lain ramai lagi yg try nk get something if not everything from what that cikgu teach in front. paling jahat pun p tido je lah. x kacau org, n kalau kantoi salah sendiri la sbb x pandai cover (hahahaha). cikgu pun x sakit hati tengok kita, hubungan kita sbg pelajar & cikgu terjaga, insyaallah berkat.

sekali sekala gelak dalam kelas x salah, kalau mmg obvious cikgu tu pun gelak or perasan yg dia salah sebut something for instance, tapi kalau everytime dia sebut something pun kita nak gelak, itu dah annoying for the teacher. so hormat diorg, at least kalau x suka pun jangan la gedik2 konon nak express ketidaksukaan kita tu tadi. sbb still muka2 tu jugak yang buat soalan kita nanti, muka2 tu jugak la yang akan semak kertas2 kita, muka2 tu jugak la yang kita akan salahkan sbb ajar nak x nak la, padahal sbb dia ajar nak x nak tu because attitude kita yang kurang 'baik' terhadap diorg. so jagalah adab berguru sbb berkat ilmu dari cikgu2 kita tu penting. kalau dah bengang sangat dengan kelas tu tido je lah.

p/s : saya cuma tido time kelas forensic. :p

block 1 exam : aftermath

ok..where should i start. result kali ini dpt diagak tapi still quite suprising n alhamdulillah segala syukur saya hadapkan kepada Allah. yap, saya akui kali ini saya dah memulakan 2nd on a sour note (in terms of results), but like people always say, there's always another chance. cuma kadang2 kita ni selalu take things for granted.

"alah, baru 1st block. lepak la. ade 3 block lagi"

"chill la bero, block ni kite pulun abis2"

"xde rezeki kot"

so, time block 1 exam yang lepas saya agak kurang bernasib baik sbb time study break tu saya kena demam panas. and to make things worse, ahad before exam kena diarrhea pulak. T_T not a good start for an exam. so i end up being dead malam tu n berperang dengan diri sendiri menahan pening demam untuk belajar malam before patho paper. so pagi exam patho ditempuhi dengan mata panda/racoon/apa2 haiwan yg berkenaan dan jugak demam & perut yg memulas2. memang dalam hati ingat abislah aku paper ni. in the end i survived the whole day n seperti yang dijangka, saya pengsan lagi malam tu. the next day still demam xde gaya macam nak surut, so terpaksa jugak gagahkan diri nk baca notes microbe sbb its better untuk baca walaupun tau x abis n x larat rather than putus harapan/pasrah. same case jugak for the microbe exam, mata panda dan demam but this time alhamdulillah diarrhea dh elok.

the last paper pharmacology, alhamdulillah demam dh elok sikit, so dapat utilise full day untuk study pharmac. i admit i'm weak in remembering stuffs, tambah2 lagi nama2 ubat yg nama2 diorg x ubah macam nama2 saudara encik DIMITAR IVANOV BERBATOV belako. nak spell nama ubat dh cukup susah, apa lagi nk mix n match them with their functions. but to my suprise, i did fairly well for pharmac (walaupun x lulus jugak) considering ilmu yg ada dalam kepala time tu mungkin layak untuk dapat 30 marks jek. T_T

and for forensics, actually dh post pasal that paper before, so i'll leave it this time. the only subjek yg lulus. there's a bright light amidst of darkness i've gone through untuk 3 previous subjects.

so looking through results, saya rasa bersyukur even x pass 3 subs, sbb dhla sakit the whole exam, memang saya expect this time i would fail miserably but alhamdulillah, i didn't. so this should be a wake up call for me just like how it was back during form 3. :D insyaallah, next time, with better effort, n better health (aminnn ya Allah) i should get up n get better results than this.

kepada kawan2 yg lain, yg star2 tu congrats, n kpd yg x berapa bernasib baik (jgn ckp xde rezeki, itu macam menyalahkan Allah jek x kasi kita lulus padahal apalah yg kita tahu tentang perancangan Allah utk kita :) ) lets get back on track n succeed!

wassalam.

'mencari' Allah?

kadang2 kita sebagai manusia lupa akan tanggungjawab kita iaitu sebagai hamba yang patut taat dan patuh pada perintah Allah. dan ada masa2 tertentu yang biasanya barulah kita baru ingat nak cari Allah. niat di sini bukanlah hendak menegur sesiapa, tetapi sekadar peringatan untuk diri sendiri dan perkongsian pada rakan2. :)

selalu kita diingatkan kalau berada dalam kesusahan, orang akan cakap :

banyak2 la bersabar, bawak mengucap, selawat banyak2 etc..

memang benar, tidak salah untuk kita cakap macam tu kepada orang yang ditimpa kesusahan atau musibah, tetapi kita ini selalu lupa, kerana atas dasar kelemahan kita sendiri yang pada masa senang jugak kita kena ingat pada Allah. ingat pada Allah kerana Allah itu sentiasa ada bersama kita. Allah itu bukan hanya ada time2 kita susah or memerlukan Dia. actually kita yang memerlukan Allah, tetapi kita ini hamba yang naif, kita lupa yang kita ini milik Allah.

kita selalu 'menyimpan' Allah pada masa2 yang tertentu sahaja. bila nak exam, time2 sakit, time2 ditimpa musibah, dan macam2 lagi time2 kita ini susah. tapi bila kita dah senang lenang, nikmat bertimbun Allah bagi as reward kepada kita menghadapi ujian2 Allah tadi, kita cepat lalai. nauzubillah moga saya dijauhkan dari pekara sedemikian.

saya ambil contoh kisah nabi Ibrahim a.s semasa nabi mencari siapakah dia tuhan yang memerintah sekelian alam ini. dilihatnya pada langit, matahari yang terik bersinar, disangkanya tuhan tetapi bila malam menjelma, matahari@tuhan tadi hilang ditelan malam. bulan yang bersinar di tengah malam pun hilang selepas subuh, maka tidaklah ia bercirikan tuhan kerana sekejap ada, sekejap tak ada (macam chipsmore). bintang2 pulak bertebaran di langit malam, tapi jugak hilang lepas subuh. maka akhirnya Allah memberi petunjuk kepada nabi Ibrahim, bahawa Dialah tuhan yang memerintah seluruh takluk langit dan bumi.

dari situ kita dapat apply sedikit dan sebanyak dalam kehidupan kita seharian, yang Allah itu sebenarnya sentiasa ada bersama kita. bila2 masa, baik susah atau senang. apabila kita berada dalam keadaan senang, janganlah kita lupa untuk mensyukuri nikmat Allah itu. takkan nak ucap subhanallah pun kedekut kot. dan apabila kita ditimpa sebarang kesusahan, kembalilah kepada Allah, kerana Dialah sebaik2 tempat untuk kita mengadu, kerana Allah lah jua tempat kita akan kembali satu hari nanti. berdoa pada Allah, moga ditetapkan iman, walau time kita tengah naik bas sekalipun. tidak semestinya kita perlu duduk atas sejadah baru nak berdoa (tetapi itu adalah yang sebaiknya dan lebih afdal - refer adab berdoa). niatkan, or detikkan saja dalam hati,

'ya Allah, aku memohon sekian sekian kepadamu'

itupun dikira sebagai doa, kerana pada hakikatnya, Allah itu maha mendengar. segala isi hati kita Allah memang dah tau. maka percaya dan yakin lah Allah itu maha mendengar, berharaplah dengan penuh tawajjuh kepada Allah dan insyaAllah akan termakbul doa itu. :)

sedikit perkongsian dari saya yang daif dan papa kedana dalam ilmu2 ini. :)